Horses don't have souls.

Have you ever looked a horse in the eye? Having that black, soulless, void starring back at you? I have. I could feel it trying to trap me. Feed on me. Trying to fill that gaping, metaphysical hole in its body with the life force of my own. So I said to it: "If you let me live, I'll help you. I'll bring others to you. They won't see it coming." The horse agreed and let me go. So, anyhow, have you guys seen my horse? He's pretty cool.

In other news: First day at being back at school. It went by pretty quick, was just some information and registration. And when I got home I got a nice surprise in the mail. A letter from Google. They said that they loved my blog so much that they had decided to give me a gift-card of $110 just so I could advertise it better.

Thank you Google!

I think that was pretty darn nice of them. Well, that was my day. It doesn't really happen much when you're sober. And horses truly are scary. Be well!

Free rave party. Courtesy of nature.

So picture this: You sit up at night. At 4 am. Everything is perfectly normal. But what's that? Something flashing in the sky? At first you think that you're just imagining things and go back to what you were doing. Which in my case was totally not porn. And then it happens again. But way worse. The sky lights up like God was playing with his new strobe light. Then there's the thunder. This continues for 30 minutes. The power went out after 15.

I think this was the first time in my life that I've seen so much lightning in so little time. I mean, I could move around in my apartment, even though it was pitch dark due to the power being out, due to the flashes lighting it up with regular intervals. It was awesome.

And now to the cigarette bending trick. Bersercules, Mark and DWei had it right. I'm a wizard bitches!

Behold my awesome powers!

So now you know. Other powers include making whiskey strangely disappear and hats to look photoshoped. I don't even need any tiger blood.


Until next time readers. Be well 

Aftermatch

So last night went exactly as planned. I drank some scotch, some beer, some bourbon and similar things. Managed to get VIP somewhere there in the mist. Got down to the club and got even drunker.

So there's that. I've described enough of my drunken adventures for you guys to get the picture. Something that's been bothering me all day thought, except for my hangover that is, is that it's 2011 and we still don't got any of those cool things we saw in hacker movies. Like 3D file managers, holograms, awesome technomusic every time you do something on the computer or laser swords. Not sure how laser swords fit in there but I want them. Something I don't want from them movies thought, which they seem to love, is terminal programs. God those were just awful.

No mouse support? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?

And last but not least. My cigarette bending trick. But instead of just telling you how to do it I was thinking that I'd make it more of a game. I'll show you what the result looks like and the first one to figure out how I do it gets an honorable mention on my blog.

It's all bendy and smokable!

Not the best picture I know, but you get the... picture. Heh, I need to learn more words. Cray out

Last party of the summer

This is it guys. The last party for the summer. And I'm going to go all out. Going to head out soon to buy me some whiskey, some beer and some new hair wax. And then it's drinking time. If I don't wake up in a ditch or in jail tomorrow, I've done something wrong. And well, that's it really.

Tune in next time to learn such amazing party tricks like bending a cigarette without breaking it and other glorious things!

Tired

Well.  I'm pretty tired due to have been up all night discussing such important matters as the greenhouse effect on Venus, how earth would be affected if Jupiter turned into a star from a gas giant, and why we'll never be able to terraform Mars. Discussions on the internet are serious business. Or at least that's what I try to tell myself when I wake up around 4 in the afternoon.

So what else is new in the life of cray? Not much really. Mostly been hanging about in my room depressed over the fact that the summer is over and university starts up again on Monday. And that means no more drinking for me. Well, except at the after-exam parties. And before-exam parties. And the weekend parties. But aside from that... nothing.

To sad about this to even express it with words. So are just going to leave this video here to do the expressing for me.

Be well all. Cray out

Migraine again

Well, I got a migraine once again. So I'll just do what I always do evenings like these, and share some fun clips from YouTube, instead of giving you a real post.

First one up is one of my oldest favorites. This is a video we've quoted many times while being drunk. And when I say "quoted" I actually mean "screamed out to the top of our lungs while doing the hand movements" +1 if you manage to figure out which line we quote the most.

Following up on that one, not trying to die from laughter, I present to you a clip that might require a special taste. But I find it hilarious. It's a japanese power rangers spoof. It's really well made and got a lot of funny moments. And although it's in japanese it got some english subs on it, so it should be alright.

And since I can't think of any more funny clips on top of my mind I'll just leave you with this beautiful tune I found by browsing my follower list here on blogger. I can't really remember who posted it first, but whoever it was, he got a good taste in music!

Make sure to watch it in 1080p. Well, that's all from me this evening. Take care you all and be well.

Worst tanning place ever.

Ever wondered how it feels like being cooked alive? Well I haven't. But somehow I got to experience something very similar to that just recently anywho. It all started yesterday really. My mate and I decided to go clubbing. For real this time. So whiskey was bought, VIP-passes to the biggest place in town was fixed, and alcoholic beverages were drunk. Only bad thing about this totally awesome night was that I managed to step in the only puddle of water for miles on the way down there. And with puddle I mean treacherous hidden sinkhole filled with water. It was so deep it probably had it own ecosystem down there. Needless to say my foot, and part of my leg, got drenched. But i was drunk so I didn't really care. The rest of the night progressed like they usually do with some drinking, dancing and winking at girls. Only thing out of the ordinary was that the security guard seemed high and asked if I was related to the prince of Sweden. I told him that I was and he let me pass.

But anything that goes up must come down eventually. Which leads me to today. I woke up around 12 pm or so and the first thing that I asked myself was if something had crawled into my mouth and died. The second thing was why my friend were blasting music like he just figured out that his amplifier goes up to 11. So I decided that the best thing to do was to wake up, take a smoke, and then jump on the next bus home So that I could get some real sleep. Said and done. 

After being home for like an hour or so, just watching different TV-shows and drinking huge amounts of water, I got the crazy idea that I wanted go tanning. Probably because my sis, who was visiting, said "hey, lets go tanning" and I said "fine, whatever".  So we go to this place I've never been to before, thinking that i'd be like my regular place. It was not. First lemme tell you about my regular place. It's in a girls gym, so there's always a cute girl working in the reception. You pay for your room, which is fairly large, with it's own shower, huge fan, huge mirror and even a hairdryer. I never use the hairdryer myself, but it's a nice touch. But the most important thing is that the rooms are always cool. Like, temperature wise. Tanning there is very relaxing, like going to a spa or something. Now let me tell me about this other place. First of all, it's fully automated, so you go in using a card, and then enter this incredibly warm room. There's like a couch where you wait for one of the seven tanning booths to get available. I was gonna write rooms first, but those things are way too small to be called that. So it was either booths or torture chambers. Anywho, it's incredibly warm and smells of that tanning smell you get, just in the lobby. So I'm like, "well, they probably got a fan or something inside the booth". They didn't. I paid for my time using some automated coin thinge, went inside my booth, and started the machine. The room/booth was like 2x3 meters, so it didn't take long for the 2400w of ultraviolet light to warm up the booth like an oven. That, and the fact that I was hungover made me sweat like a pig. I actually had to go up and dry myself and the table off once, after like 15 min, due to sweating like a pig. Another 15 min and the time was final up. But I wasn't up for anything. Took me another five just to get my pants and shit on. Felt like I was going to die. 

So today's tip is: Don't go tanning when you're hungover. And don't visit places that's trying to kill you due to heat exhaustion.

That's all from me today. Be well

How to fix your hair.

Something I've noticed, both in my real life, and browsing the internet, is that people don't know how to fix their hair. This saddens me because how you choose to wear your hair makes a huge difference. It's one of the first things you notice when you see someone. So I've decided to make a guide for all of you who want to know how to fix your hair. Cray style.

This could be you. If you eat your vegetables.

First things first. This look will work best for guys between 15-55 with short to medium long hair. It involves a lot of hard work, sweat and tears, but it'll be worth it. Probably. Well, let's get this thing started. First thing you have to do...

This is what hobos look like.

 ...holy shit! What is that thing on your face?! Kill it! KILL IT WITH FIRE!

Warning: Shaving might give you a tan.

Ah, that's better. Like I said, first thing you'll have to do is to wash your hair. This is a very important step and can't be jumped over. Don't worry though, water is mostly harmless, and it'll be over fairly fast.

If your hair looks anything like mine, You'll look like a soaked farm boy when you get out. It's not an ideal look, even if the show Smallville tried to make it sexy for over 8 seasons, but fear not. It'll look better once it has dried.

Or maybe not. It kinda looks worse, doesn't it? Anywho, straighten that shit to submission. Easiest way to do this is to use a flat iron. It's a very inexpensive and good tool for any man to have really. I keep mine next to my fire-ax and power tools.

Make sure you've straighten everything so that it's nice and even. Next step is to apply some hair vax. I prefer one that's extremely hard but doesn't shine. I'm using something called "E+46 XTREME FIBER" but since the can also says "made in Sweden" I'm doubtful if you can find it elsewhere. So just find something that's very strong but not shiny. Shiny makes it gay.

When you apply the wax it's important that you take a click and spread it evenly over your fingertips. You should then work your fingers backwards through your hair like you're trying to look like Einstein or something. Make sure you apply the wax from the bottom and distributed evenly up so that you get a nice foundation. Also do this on the sides and back, always going the opposite way of how your hair lies normally.

If you're successful it should now look something like this. The more you look like a mad man who's just escaped from an insane asylum, the better job you did.

The last step is to just pull down your hair again, using both hands, in a forward motion, so that it lies like it normally would. And you're done!

Put on a some accessories and a nice shirt and you're done! If you got dark hair like me, and a nice tan, I'd recommend a white shirt or t-shirt to give your look some contrast. And some designer shades to hide your eyes. Makes it a bit more mysterious and/or cool. This look is perfect if you want to pick up girls, go clubbing or just want to look awesome while going shopping.


Well, that's my guide on how to look like Cray. I hope I inspired some of you to try a new hairstyle, and if not, at least I got to take a lot of pictures of myself. So either way it's a win/win.

Tune in tomorrow for another epic post my me on a subject I haven't decided on yet! Be well.

I'm not dead.

Just checking in to say that I'm not dead. I know i haven't made a new post for a couple of day. But fear not! I'm in the process of working on one now! It's just that it took a little longer than I would have imagined. It's currently 1:40 am and I really have to get some sleep. And I can't tell too much about the post I'm working on without giving anything away. But I can say that it involves a lot of badly taken pictures of me. So tune in tomorrow to see one of my most narcissistic, yet informative, blog post yet!

Be well.

Smoking outside

So i was trying to make a new post. But this day has been incredibly boring since I spent most of it lying in a couch trying to find something interesting to do on my laptop. Internet was way more fun back in the days when you connected with a modem. You always knew exactly what sites to visit and what to do. But now, being used to the internet, it's getting harder and harder to find something interesting. It's all the same. You visit some news sites, read the latest articles on cracked, watch a couple of youtube videos and drop a visit on facebook. And then you're done. The internet were better back when you could store hundreds of pixelated porn pictures on your secret 3.5" floppy disk. Marked "Games".

Anywho, since staring on an empty "New post" window for half an hour didn't really help, I decided to go out and take a cigarette. And I must say, smoking in the middle of the night (0:45 am here right now) is so frigging relaxing. You sit outside, alone, light your fag with a match, and just relax. The only sound you hear is from distant cars and the wind blowing in the trees. This must be my favorite part of the day. Everything is just so... calm. There's no worries, nothing to be done, nothing at all except you and your cigarette. I tried to think about something to write about, I really did, but my mind kept drifting away. I noticed things like how the city lights colors the cloudy sky orange. How beautiful the dark orange glow is when it's slowly turning the tobacco into ashes. How the smoke make tiny, twirling, strings in the air. How the air had the smell of rain in it. And before I knew it, my smoke break was over. And I hadn't found a single thing to write about. But I did find that even the smallest things in our life can be beautiful.

Well, I'm going to sleep now. Might have something fun too write about tomorrow. But then again, I might not. Be well.

Q&A - The Answers!

Well, since I didn't want to make a big blog due to typing on a bloody laptop, I decided that I'd do a Q&A. What i failed to remember is that i get like a bazillion comments per post. So... yeah. I better get started if I want to be done sometime this night. Naa, I jest, I love doing this :D

Ok, lets line them up.


Jay Smith asks:
What are you going to school for?

We'll that's a very broad question. Or perhaps not. I'm taking economics I am. I like to think that it's because I want a degree. But the fact that I'm way too lazy for a real job so school seems like a good substitute.


ThingsYouWant ask:
Question about Sweeden: How much does the average education costs over there? (University) Thanks!

This was an easy one. It's free. It used to be free for foreigners as well, but they changed that last year. Still free for us sweds tho. In fact, the state actually pays us to study. It's not much but still, it's something.

FeurFenix asks:
Sorry to hear about moving back, I hope stuff works out. Since others already asked about what you are studying and the cost of college- What is the best part of living in Sweden? and the worst?

This must be one of the harder questions. The best thing about Sweden is probably the cheap internet. The only country, in the world, that got better internet connectivity than us is the South Koreans. We also got a pretty decent welfare system. It's really frigging hard to become truly homeless in Sweden. I remember quote saying something like "Sweden takes care of their citizens from the cradle to the grave." The worst thing about Sweden is the insanely high taxes and the general socialistic thinking. We're as close you can get to a working communist society without everything going to hell. Oh, and people are reeeaaalllyyyy unsocial on buses. Totally freak out if you sit next to them. It's crazy.


Allebanna asks:
Well at least you like your parents enough to move back in with them. What do you think it'll be like to live with them? How's this drinking weekends going to be now that you're with them again.


Well, since i managed to get a whole room to myself, and it's right next to the entrance, I don't think it'd be much of a problem really. It's just my mom really, so it had probably been better if I'd written "parent" instead of "parents". Doubt I'll see much of her anywho. And I think going back to school will have a bigger influence on my drinking habits than anything else. I don't like drinking when I got responsibilities and stuff :)


Mai Yang asks:
whoa. haha! that's okay. ^__^
hmmm..I don't have questions in mind but if I may request, can you give me post like "100 facts" about you? :D


Haha, a hundred facts... I doubt I even know a hundred things about myself. Besides, if I did that, I don't think i'd have anything more to blog about in my future posts. I'd like to keep some things about myself a mystery ^_^;;

thetruthaboutGENETICS asks:
What do you think of Finns?

I wouldn't want to fight a war against them.

JDC asks:
Is the chocolate better in Sweden?

No, it's about the same.

Inverse asks:
Something's been bugging me about Sweden. I saw a statistic saying it's like the second fattest country in the world. Is it true? Because I find it hard to believe.

I've never actually heard this one before. I know we got an XXL store down town, but I've never seen anyone enter it. But then again, I got this filter in my brain, so that I can't see ugly people. I really can't. My reality consist of good looking people and shadows.

Diego Sousa asks:
are the sweedish girls really that hot as we see in pics and movies? =D

Sweden is like any other country. We got hot chicks and less hot chicks. Our less hot chicks is about as hot as normal hot chicks in other countries thought. And I can't see the ugly ones, so it's all good for me. ;)




Well I do believe that's all of the questions. Now I'm off to light a glorious cigarette and ponder on the wonderful thing called life. Be well.

Unforeseen circumstances.

Due to some unforeseen circumstances I'm moving back to my parents. I can't say that i'm that happy about it. But it does feel nice to have something to fall back on. Most people don't have that luxury. Due to me moving stuff I won't have much time for blogging, which saddens me, because I do like writing. It's like having your own diary. But instead if keeping it safe and locked up you share it. To the world. I'll still try to churn out some post over the days. But they won't be the mind blowing pieces of literature that you've grown accustomed to. This is mostly because my main computer is divided over several boxes. I am in fact writing this post on my laptop. The keyboard is so small for my big manly hands. It's like playing the old x-box with those old controllers, you know the big ones, but in reverse.

Anywho, what else is new? Going back to university in a couple of days. Well, in about two weeks to be exact. So I still got time to get some more drunken adventures out of this summer. And that's about it i believe. And since I wont be able to write any humongous posts over the next few days I thought that I'll just get a Q&A going.

Ask me anything you want to know about Sweden, me or anything you'd think I'd know about and I'll do my best to answer.

Cheers.

Thursday

So it's Thursday. Totally nothing happened today. I'm really trying to think of something to write about. I got nothing. This is rather strange for me, because you know, I wrote like 500 words about a bloody heap of sand. I think my brain is broken. Was trying to find a metaphor describing how bad it is but again I came up with nothing. This must be how stupid people feel.

Fuck it, I'll just give a quick recap of the week. I've been drinking with me mate. No surprise there. This last month has really just been a drunken haze of... well I can't really remember. I know I've gotten laid. So there's that. And I've had some laughs. So just having an overall awesome time. But getting back to my week. Most of it was spent on a couch watching Skins and Community. God I love the Skins series. Probably because Tony reminds me of me. Before they fucked him up. Oh and about that quote yesterday. I think it was something about that I was trying to figure out something to blog about. Drunk like an Irishman. So my mate and I got into some discussion. Probably. And he decided to just quote something I said about something. A bit fuzzy on the details.

And I'll just end this post now. I can't even keep a red thread between sentences. I'll probably be back to my usual self after getting some well needed sleep. God, this must be how people in the 90-110 IQ range feels. Not good times.

Fucked

"I'm so fucking fucked, I think I am the most fucking fucked up person you fucking know."

/Cray, 11-08-11

Failed saturday.

Yeah... so... Yesterday was kind of a failure. It started out alright. I had plenty of time to shower up, fix my hair, pick an outfit and all that. So I looked like a king. No, a God. Got over to my friends house at around 8 P.M. And the usual drinking occurred. After a while, around a glass of whiskey into the evening, we decided to try out a new drinking game. Bad idea.

Have you guys ever heard of a show called 24? Well it's basically about a guy named Jack Bauer and how awesome he is. I'm not kidding, a season usually consist of 24 episodes of him being the manliest man alive, and they've made 8 seasons and a movie about this. Anywho, we came up with a drinking game where as every time someone mentions his name, someone fires a weapon or every time he disobeys a direct order, we have to drink. This turned out to be a big mistake. I had gone through roughly ten units of alcohol and my friend had downed around 4-5 50 cl (17 ounces) beers during a single episode. We should probably had slowed down when my mate complained about how everything was spinning. We didn't.

The overconsumption of alcohol finally led to my mate passing out like a clubbed seal. I tried for a good twenty minutes to get some life back into him, but it was futile. It was around this time I realized that I was stuck alone in a suburb in the middle of the night with no backup plan. I panicked.

After lying on the floor, in a fetal position, and hyperventilating for a good 20 minutes I decided to get my shit together and find someone with a car and sober enough to drive that could take me down town. Made some calls, sent some text, but my efforts didn't pay off. And then my cellphone died. Desperate and out of options, I turned my attention to Facebook, praying to God that someone was online. Finally managed to find a living person with a car, but the clubs were about 20 minutes from closing time, so I decided to just take the ride, grab some food on the way, and haul my drunk ass home.


So, failed Saturday. But I had almost no hangover what so ever the day after. I think even my body felt pity for me.

Guest post from Kirre

Hey my name is Kirre. I'm writing this to all of Cray's followers. Cray is too drunk to write something today so he told me to write something instead. (soon I will be that drunk too)

We are at my place and drinking and hopefully we will have an awesome night. Later we're gonna hit some clubs and maybe meet some chicks. I'm pretty sure this will be a legendary night and Cray can report about it in the blog tomorrow or something.

Keep up the drinking and have an awesome weekend.
Peace out
/Kirre

Work

Well I'm on my way to work. I know I haven't posted for a few days. I've just been too tired. But I'll be drinking tonight, if the weather permits, so I'll probably have a decent post tomorrow.

Picture from ARRPII

Just went over to ARRPII's blog to check out if he's made any new post and found the most epic post ever. With this in it:

http://arrpii.blogspot.com/2011/08/viii-girl-for-cray.html

That's just awesome man. I love it. And for the rest of you out there, I really recommend that you check out his blog. Totally worth it.

War against heaps.

So I was at work again today. I don't enjoy it very much because, mostly, I just sit around in the sun. Dying from dehydration. But a man got to pay for his whiskey. And other, less important things, like rent, food, etc. Anywho, I was sitting there doing nothing as usual, when a huge ass truck came along. Ran right past me and I didn't think much of it. But then it proceeded to dump a large volume of sand by the water thus forming an about 3 meter high heap. This whole thing isn't all that unusual because, you know, people dump stuff all the time.

The more interesting part is that it took around 5 minutes until the heap was filled with kids. And a dog. There wasn't even half the amount of kids on the premises at the time. It's like they knew that somewhere, somehow, there was a heap of sand there. And they had to be on it. I guess the dog just tagged along, since they're more about digging holes.

This would keep children entertained for years.
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

And it wasn't the usual "happy go lucky" playtime either. It was more like they were waging a war. Against the heap. Fueled by some subconscious hatred towards it. Then the adults joined in. Their anger weren't as apparent the kids, probably because they didn't want sand in their shoes, but it was there.

This continued for a couple of hours until a tractor finally came to put it out of its misery.

Well, this probably the most exciting part of my day. I hate being sober.